We all want things to stay the same. Settle for living in misery because we’re afraid of change, of things crumbling to ruins. Then I looked at around to this place, at the chaos it has endured – the way it has been adapted, burned, pillaged and found a way to build itself back up again. And I was reassured, maybe my life hasn’t been so chaotic, it’s just the world that is, and the real trap is getting attached to any of it. Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.”

-Eat, Pray, Love.

Jimmy Altman and Lauren Silverman share dinner in his Dollard des Ormeaux home and discuss the details of Silverman’s upcoming wedding and chatting about the importance of family. It’s a scene played out by many fathers and daughters, except in this case, Altman is Silverman’s step-father.

Brought together 12 years ago, the two represent members of a growing group — the blended family. Both Altman and Silverman’s mother, Anita Vatch, had two children from previous relationships.

“About one third of all marriages in Canada end in divorce” says Dr. Anne-Marie Ambert in her study, Divorce: Facts, Figures and Consequences.

“About 75 percent and 65 percent, respectively, of divorced men and women remarry.”

And according to a 1987 Statistic Canada report, 96,200 couples had their divorces finalized. During the past 20 years since then, nearly 70 percent have re-married, giving birth to blended families.

Vatch remembers the early days and says Altman tried to make the transition as easy as possible on her kids. “Jimmy has always treated Lauren and Adam as if they were his own children. There is no distinction between home-made kids and blended families in our house.”

Silverman, now 26, wasn’t initially enamoured with Altman’s arrival. Raised for years by their mother, Silverman and her brother suddenly had to share her.

“I’d had my mom all to myself since the divorce,” explains Silverman. “My brother was more open to the relationship at the start because his major concern was that my mother be taken care of. As a teenager, I wasn’t very open to having a step-father. It wasn’t that I didn’t like Jimmy, it was that I didn’t want to share my mother.”

“She definitely gave Jimmy a run for his money,” says Vatch.

That was also the case with Melanie Martin, who gave her new step-father a hard time when he entered her life 20 years ago.

“I remember walking down the street just yelling expletives at him” recalls Martin, also 26, of her first outing with Wayne Belmore.

Martin says she rebelled because she thought Belmore was trying to replace her biological father.

But she says Belmore waited it out and now he and Martin share a close relationship. “He was patient and gave me time to realize he wasn’t trying to take anyone’s place. He was just trying to be my friend.”

Like Silverman, Martin also enjoyed a close and supportive relationship with her step-father. When she announced several years ago that she was gay, Belmore was one of the first people she confided in. “He helped me cope by making it clear that he loved me no matter what,” she says.

Silverman can now look back and laugh at the once tense situation.

“I certainly gave Jimmy a hard time when I was a teenager… Okay, recently too!” she says with a smile. Despite this, she says “he’s never treated me like anything other than his own daughter.”

Altman says the key to making it work is just waiting it out while offering unconditional love. “I let her know I’m on her side and try to find some common ground.” In their case, that common ground was Vatch.

“Jimmy made my mom happy, and even as a teenager, I was able to appreciate that,“ says Silverman. “He definitely fits the bill as a parent because he’s there for me every step of the way.”

True to form, Altman will be there for another important step in his step-daughter’s life, walking her down the aisle this August.