I decided after nearly two years of complete inactivity, that it might be time to finally cancel my MySpace page. No problem, right? Well, it turns out it’s an 8 step process just to request to be removed. Yes, seriously. MySpace acts like a jilted lover, who you’ve left for a newer, younger model, trying desperately to keep you in any way possible.
The process goes something like this:
Step 1: You ask to cancel your account.
MySpace has an easy to access Cancel Account button right in your settings. This looks easy enough.
Step 2: Are you sure?
The guilt begins. Are you sure you want to leave? MySpace essentially asks “what did I do wrong?”
Step 3: Are you really sure?
MySpace gets defensive, and turns the blame for this failed relationship on you: “Maybe you’d enjoy MySpace if you had any friends, loser. Do you even know how to add them?”
Step 4: Are you really, really, really sure?
Reiteration that it’s your fault you’re not enjoying their service, reiteration that you’re an asshole for leaving them, a comment box (so you can apologize?) and a disclaimer that this process may never end.
Step 5: Please don’t leave us
An official notice that this process may never be over, and a disclaimer that you’ll need to look for future clues in this treasure hunt for deactivation.
Step 6: Hide and Seek
MySpace sends you an email, which most likely gets caught in your spam filter, junkmail folder, or is automatically labelled hazardous by your anti-virus. If you’re lucky enough to find the email, you can take the next step towards requesting deactivation.
Step 7: Excuses and Apologies
If you make it to this step, MySpace takes a stab at explaining why they put you through this whole process. It goes something like this: “It’s about security. It’s about safety. I’m full of shit, please don’t leave me.”
Step 8: Congratulations, you have now been authorized to deactivate your MySpace account.
Don’t get ahead of yourself – this doesn’t mean the account is gone. Nope, all this means is that, if you’re lucky, your request will now be passed on to someone at MySpace who actually has the authority to do this.
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