Fed Ex is being shipped After All & Girls Take Over Reality TV

Celebrity Round Up:
Fed Ex is being shipped After All & Scrutiny rules New Reality TV CW lineup.

It is this column’s mission to make you realize that celebrities are just normal people. They’re just as flawed, imperfect, and capable of making stupid decisions as the rest of us. They just have more money and better stylists. Wouldn’t you look super hot if you rolled out of bed into a professional make-up artist’s chair and had Vidal Sassoon himself doing your hair for work? Enough!

We can still enjoy their red carpet dresses and their seemingly endless casual flings, but it’s time to do away with the idol like warship- Even Tom Cruise is just a guy named Thomas Mapother from Syracuse. You get the point?

In the days following Britney’s trip to rehab – um, the third and, while we can’t yet say successful, we will say it’s the lengthiest of the brief stays- she was seen on the grounds spending sweet moments with her soon-to be ex, Kevin Federline. Of course, this fuelled reconciliation rumors. While we can’t yet comment on whether her 30 day stay was a success, detox seems to have successfully purged one toxin from Britney’s system: Kevin. It was reported yesterday that the Spears-Federline divorce is going ahead as planned.

While it was originally reported that Kevin was asking for up to 20 million dollars, an ironclad pre-nup and the pair’s recent reconciliation are cited as the reason for the reasonably fast and easy settlement. As reported by our friends poponthepop.com, Britney seems to have changed since rehab: “She has become “nice as well as reasonable,” according to a source who has contact with her.”

Forgive me for not being convinced that 30 days in Promises has completely changed this pop starlet. If she’s nice and reasonable, maybe it’s because the mother of two infants by day and Paris Hilton co-mingler by night has gotten a descent night’s sleep for the first time in two years. She’s also miraculously gotten Kevin to baby-sit for a full month. Wouldn’t you be feeling more reasonable?

These two have kids together, so it’s likely they will be photographed together again, even if it’s just passing little Sean back and forth between the 100 K SUVs. This doesn’t mean they’re reconciling, so let’s nip that one in the bud now, shall we?
Let’s just hope this split sticks. Britney has a habit of regretting decisions almost immediately after making them.

In other celebrity news, I’d like to take this moment to mark the CW’s newest bundle of joy: America’s Next Top Model, Cycle 8! Yeah, that’s right; they’re already on cycle eight. This crop of girls is already gearing up for catfights and drama, often started by the self proclaimed “bitch” Renee. It’s unclear who the breakout star will be this season, but a personal favorite is Russian mail order bride Natasha, a twenty year old, brought over by a forty year old man when she was just eighteen, and who’s level of English comprehension is yet to be determined.

Producer Ken Mok seems to be trying for a one-two punch this year, as he follows up this ANTM cycle with the new Reality show “Who Wants to Be the Next Pussycat Doll?” It’s like ANTM, with singing and dancing. The girls are catty, stuck up, and creator Robin Antin is a self righteous Tyra in training. She just has a few more facelifts.

The first episode saw the thirteen finalists get a stomach virus the night before the big dance audition. Who would have thought projectile vomiting could be so amusing? While fun, even an established show like ANTM may not guarantee fame for its participants. Unlike American Idol, this show’s ability to turn people famous has yet to be determined. Except Adrienne, cycle one’s winner; most famous for telling off Tyra, posing in Playboy and subsequently marrying a former Brady Bunch actor Christopher Knight, a mere 20 years her senior.

Maybe that’s because ANTM should really be called “The Tyra Banks Show.” Of course, that would be problematic because Tyra already has one of those on another network. So, maybe ANTM can be re-named: “How to Be like Tyra, By Tyra, and Starring Tyra.” You think I’m overreacting? Just watch the judging panel, when Tyra takes the time to demonstrate to each contestant how she would have done their pose. And of course, there’s the fantastic send off, when Tyra imparts words of wisdom like: “The judges see a girl with no personality.” She’s going to be a model Tyra, isn’t the point that she be as malleable as a piece of play-dough? And let’s not forget the Tyra on Tyra’s history rants. There is no lack of Tyra on TV these days, but hey- Tyra loves it that way!