Revenue and profitability for an affiliate is heavily influenced by the affiliate programs with which you choose to partner. Top performing affiliates understand this correlation, and carefully weigh their business needs against an operator’s program before committing money and effort to promoting a brand.

Tip 1: Choose a Strong Brand
An overwhelming majority of affiliates join an affiliate program based on a brand’s reputation. The Income Access survey found that 88% of affiliates cited reputational factors as the most important factor in their decision to join a program. There are two influential factors that determine the strength of an iGaming brand: (1) the player-facing brand the affiliate program promotes and (2) the affiliate-facing side – the affiliate program itself. Savvy affiliates tend to evaluate each of these before entering into a business relationship with an operator through its affiliate program.

Tip 2: Choose a Brand that Fits your Business Model
The decision to actively promote an affiliate program should hinge on whether that program can meet the unique needs of your business model. The Income Access affiliate survey found that super-affiliates look for three criteria before choosing to promote a program: (1) reliable tracking software, (2) competitive commission structures, and (3) promotional materials.

Tip 3: Robust Tracking Software
As an affiliate, you rely on software to track your referrals, calculate your commissions, and provide transparent reporting that you can use to monitor campaign performance. So before actively promoting a program and investing in your relationship with a brand, it’s important that you ensure their affiliate software supports all these functions.

Affiliate marketing is all about tracking referrals from one party to another, so you want to ensure that software powering a program can provide tracking reports that meet your business needs. The Income Access survey found that higher earning affiliates were much more likely to compare reporting metrics across campaigns. Advanced tracking metrics can help increase earnings because affiliates can compare, analyze and better understand changes in campaign performance.

You should also ensure that the software includes the marketing tools that will help you both save time and optimise your campaigns. For instance, if you use PPC advertising, it will be important that the software is capable of tracking and reporting on players referred, deposits, revenues generated by each Adwords ad and which types of players are coming through on which keywords.

Tip 4: Competitive Commission Structures
To be competitive, commissions need to be lucrative and suited to specific products/promotions. For instance, while the Income Access survey found that over 90% of affiliates work often with revenue share, about 32% of affiliates used cost per action (CPA) and cost per click (CPC) commission structures. This is because many affiliates require a hybrid commission structure to support their business model.

Just as different incentive structures work better for promoting different products, every affiliate has their own promotional methods. Getting the most out your relationship with an affiliate program requires that commission structures are compatible with your business model and promotional needs.

Tip 5: Promotional Support
There are two sides to promotional support that an affiliate requires: creatives and the software tools to manage those creatives. In addition to new promotions, an affiliate program should provide up-to-date creatives. These will support you in effectively publicizing new player promotions, and regularly changing creatives will help combat the effects of banner-blindness.

Similarly, you should look into whether the software includes tools to help you geo-target users with relevant creative. For example, showing users from different countries banners that are in different languages, or feature different promotions is a great way to build your own brand’s reputation as a source of relevant information. That, in turn, helps with conversion rates.

When you join an affiliate program, you are entering into a business relationship that will have a direct impact on your earnings. Evaluating the brand and the resources it offers will allow you to choose the right affiliate program to partner with. After all, a brand that is in-tune with an affiliate’s own brand will complement that affiliate’s business and enforce the rapport of trust that affiliates build with their players, ensuring long-term profitability.

Montreal has long been considered one of the fashion capitals of the world.

Next to New York City, I would be hard-pressed to find a more culturally diverse fashion nexus in North America. Each season, Montreal’s mainstream stores and high-end boutiques carry the latest and most dynamic trends that the fashion world has to offer.

But high fashion and daily wearability are often mutually exclusive.

Just because we have access to the latest styles does not mean that we should be running out and adding items to our wardrobes each season.

Being in fashion is about observing the most recent trends and only taking the bits and pieces that suit your personal style.

Let’s look at a dandelion of the fashion industry — an atrocious weed of a trend that keeps popping up again every few seasons —the skinny pant.

The skinny pant first made its mainstream appearance in wardrobes across North America in the ’60s.

Unlike the flare style that was all the rage in the ’90s — designed to flare out at the knee, balancing out the thigh and giving the illusion of a slimmer top half — the skinny pant hugs the leg right down to the ankle. Most of us do not have legs that can stand such scrutiny, but more about that later.

Fashion is about nostalgia, and it doesn’t take a fashion expert to see that we humans simply recycle trends every few decades. In a recent Gap ad campaign, the skinny jean was publicized by using old Audrey Hepburn footage.

Though she’s been dead over a decade, the old fashion icon looks just right in the present day campaign since her wardrobe is what today’s generation has labeled fashionable.

But looking at Hepburn dancing around in the campaign’s archival footage hasn’t quite sold me on this trend.

For starters, Hepburn’s measurements were recorded in 1953 as being 34A-20-34. No, that 20 is not a typo.

She stood five feet seven inches tall and weighed a mere 110 lbs. Normal people just don’t look like that, nor should they aspire to.

Hippies had no use for the binding skinny style and the pant was tossed aside and replaced by flowing skirts made of comfortable gingham, tie-dyed T-shirts and loose fitting jeans that allowed for practical functionality.

Skinny pants returned in the ’80s — a rather strange decade. An actor was playing president, a sequined glove-wearing man in military garb topped the charts, and hair was made to look like an electrocuted poodle.

The theory behind the skinny pant is simple; wearing slim fitting pants shows off a person’s curves and makes them look skinny, but the skinny pant is only flattering to skinny people. Frankly, the name should be changed to the “skinny person pant.”

There are, of course, those nauseating people who look good in everything and they look darn good in the skinny pant. And for those who can pull it off, one bonus is that this style is designed to highlight footwear.

Maia Bensoussan, 28, had fun adding skinny pants to her wardrobe this season. “It’s easy to dress them up and they look fabulous over great heels you want to show off,” she explains.

So the style is designed to bring attention not only to a woman’s curves, but to her accessories, and as with every pant style, the skinny trend has also made its way into the denim market, offering women a more “dressy” jean alternative.

And the skinny pant has also spawned a mixed bag of fashion atrocities and hideous accessories.

A garden of pastel-coloured suede ankle length boots and long unflattering shirts worn falling off the shoulder in high vagrant style are now in vogue. Also making a triumphant return is the worn-too-high-and-far-too-thick belt, contemporary society’s exterior corset that binds a woman’s midsection to accentuate the curvaceous buttocks and breasts.

Of course, in order for this style to work, an average-sized woman needs to wear control top panties and a push-up brassier with ample padding. Haven’t we evolved at all from the Victorian era?

Starting her accounting career, Romy Waxman has spent a lot of time this season shopping for work-appropriate clothing.

A few months ago she was encouraged by a salesperson to go the skinny pant route.

“This 90-pound, 16-year-old salesgirl looked fabulous in them and impulsively, I got a pair,” Waxman explains.

Though Waxman purchased the pants in July, “they have been hanging in the closet ever since,” she says, shaking her head, “and that’s where they’ll stay until I discover them in three years and give them to the Salvation Army.”

How is it that a trend can suddenly negate our personal senses of style?

Are we really so indoctrinated into consumer culture that we’ve lost the ability to make rational decisions about what flatters our own bodies?

The answer, embarrassing as it is to admit, is yes!

The newest thing is often considered the best; we buy impulsively and think later.

Personal fashion shouldn’t be dictated by the year or what the magazines have labeled “hot.”

It should be dictated by the woman’s body type and size — period.

And certain styles should never be allowed back. We repeat the errors of our past over and over.

So, the skinny pant does in fact look fabulous — on skinny people. But it, and all its various counterparts, should be laid to rest, once and for all.

Jimmy Altman and Lauren Silverman share dinner in his Dollard des Ormeaux home and discuss the details of Silverman’s upcoming wedding and chatting about the importance of family. It’s a scene played out by many fathers and daughters, except in this case, Altman is Silverman’s step-father.

Brought together 12 years ago, the two represent members of a growing group — the blended family. Both Altman and Silverman’s mother, Anita Vatch, had two children from previous relationships.

“About one third of all marriages in Canada end in divorce” says Dr. Anne-Marie Ambert in her study, Divorce: Facts, Figures and Consequences.

“About 75 percent and 65 percent, respectively, of divorced men and women remarry.”

And according to a 1987 Statistic Canada report, 96,200 couples had their divorces finalized. During the past 20 years since then, nearly 70 percent have re-married, giving birth to blended families.

Vatch remembers the early days and says Altman tried to make the transition as easy as possible on her kids. “Jimmy has always treated Lauren and Adam as if they were his own children. There is no distinction between home-made kids and blended families in our house.”

Silverman, now 26, wasn’t initially enamoured with Altman’s arrival. Raised for years by their mother, Silverman and her brother suddenly had to share her.

“I’d had my mom all to myself since the divorce,” explains Silverman. “My brother was more open to the relationship at the start because his major concern was that my mother be taken care of. As a teenager, I wasn’t very open to having a step-father. It wasn’t that I didn’t like Jimmy, it was that I didn’t want to share my mother.”

“She definitely gave Jimmy a run for his money,” says Vatch.

That was also the case with Melanie Martin, who gave her new step-father a hard time when he entered her life 20 years ago.

“I remember walking down the street just yelling expletives at him” recalls Martin, also 26, of her first outing with Wayne Belmore.

Martin says she rebelled because she thought Belmore was trying to replace her biological father.

But she says Belmore waited it out and now he and Martin share a close relationship. “He was patient and gave me time to realize he wasn’t trying to take anyone’s place. He was just trying to be my friend.”

Like Silverman, Martin also enjoyed a close and supportive relationship with her step-father. When she announced several years ago that she was gay, Belmore was one of the first people she confided in. “He helped me cope by making it clear that he loved me no matter what,” she says.

Silverman can now look back and laugh at the once tense situation.

“I certainly gave Jimmy a hard time when I was a teenager… Okay, recently too!” she says with a smile. Despite this, she says “he’s never treated me like anything other than his own daughter.”

Altman says the key to making it work is just waiting it out while offering unconditional love. “I let her know I’m on her side and try to find some common ground.” In their case, that common ground was Vatch.

“Jimmy made my mom happy, and even as a teenager, I was able to appreciate that,“ says Silverman. “He definitely fits the bill as a parent because he’s there for me every step of the way.”

True to form, Altman will be there for another important step in his step-daughter’s life, walking her down the aisle this August.

Simon Chang bounds into his Montreal studio holding a chiffon floral skirt in one hand and a tray of cookies in the other, which he proceeds to pass around with a huge grin. Wearing patched jeans and a black dress shirt, the thirty year fashion veteran conducts business with a smile, breaking frequently into uproarious laughter, but turning serious on a dime when asked a question, becoming pensive, and making direct eye contact. In an industry where people are constantly looking past each other for someone more important, Simon Chang makes it a point to be respectful. He is not only an interesting man, but he is interested in the world around him, and particularly in other human beings.

The little collection which Chang started in the seventies is now a fashion empire, with new products being added every season. Chang’s frustration over finding the perfect accessory at photo shoots led him to begin designing his own, with fantastic results. His love of art and his background in graphic design have allowed him to gracefully transition into the role of accessories designer.

Raised in Vancouver and now with a Montreal base of operations, proud Canadian Chang is the perfect blend of East and West coast sensibilities, infused with worldly artistic influences and classic elegance. Though he is of Chinese descent, Simon Chang is a Canadian boy at heart, dedicated to creating wearable, affordable clothing for Canadians. Chang has a vast fall/winter collection so that his clients can be well dressed while braving the elements. In order to help clients –and even his own staff- navigate through the immense 400 piece seasonal collection, Chang gives each clothing group a catchy easy-to-remember name, like “Dancing with Wools”, “Tweed her Nice” or “Elvis Paisley.”

Chang equates design to building a house, stressing that it’s only as good as its foundation. That foundation comes from Chang’s team of employees, some of whom- like his right-hand woman Renee- have been with him for over twenty years. Preferring to sell to small independent stores, Chang delights in meeting and knowing his representatives, and talking to his clients, even making selective store appearances. Knowing his clients has allowed Chang to grow and evolve as a designer of beautiful and wearable clothing. “Fashion is one thing, but it needs to be blended with practicality and wearablity,” he says.

Chang’s commitment to people extends far beyond his role as a fashion designer and he works extensively as a philanthropist. “Trends in Fashion come and go, but the need to give back to the community is consistent”, says Chang, who attended the Emily Carr Institute on a full scholarship from the Bay. He has never forgotten that he was helped along the way, and has continued to give back, founding the Simon Chang and Phyllis Levine Foundation in 1986. Over the past twenty years, the foundation has raised money for research in the areas of breast cancer, pediatric disorders, heart disease and Aids. They also support education and social organizations that help the less fortunate members of Canadian society – offering everything from sports programs for children to funding women’s shelters.

Proud fundraisers for the Quebec breast cancer foundation, Chang and his team designed shirts as part of a “pink” campaign that helped raise more than One million dollars across Canada. The foundation recently presented Chang a copy signed by Celine Dion, one of the many celebrities who has embraced Chang’s philanthropic design.

Chang’s dedication to helping others is apparent on a personal level as well. Listening to each woman’s fashion issues, Chang designs based on their comments. “You have to listen to the issue at hand before you can try to fix it,” says Chang, “not just when dealing with fashion – listening is the key to life.”

At a public appearance in Toronto, a woman in a wheelchair made a lasting impression on the designer. “She said no one noticed her because she was in a wheelchair,” Chang explained, shaking his head. That is, until she began wearing Chang’s fashions. With their durable construction and their emphasis on comfort and wearablility, she was able to tailor Chang’s fashions to fit her needs- and getting noticed, much to the designer’s delight. “A woman in a wheelchair, or with a walker is still a woman, and deserves to be able to dress and feel like one,” says Chang, who notes with a grin that his target market is “age 25 to death.” It was input from his clients that led Chang to develop a fitness style line – what he calls “the ultimate multi-tasking-woman’s line”- which is being launched next fall. Though the clothing line has evolved over the years, there is a consistency to Chang’s work that ensures little of it ends up in vintage stores. Instead, garments remain current, re-wearable, re-inventible and classically stylish wardrobe pieces.

Re-interpreting artistic influences- from Broadway musicals to art exhibits- through his clothing line, Chang continues to surprise and delight while being faithful to the rules of wearablility. Chang equates the layers and textures in his collection to food, each one stimulating a different sense. “But I only provide the ingredients.” He says with a smile, “Each woman builds her own menu.”

The members of the Marianopolis Master’s swim team are busy this month. In addition to their schedules as professionals, parents and athletes, they are currently canvassing every pool in the Montreal area, trying to find a new home. No one knows where the quarter-century old swim team will end up, but one thing is for certain: June third the doors of Marianopolis college close and the building and its sports complex will be sold. As of press time, there are 25 team members all suited up with no place to swim.

The Marianopolis Master’s swim team was founded in the early eighties. Originally it was housed at the downtown YMCA. When the new Marianopolis complex went up with its beautiful state-of-the-art pool, the swim team moved in. They’ve been there for the last 20 years.

The membership consists of 30-70 year old people; a mix of men and women. Professionals, businesspeople, and a diverse mix of individuals make up a team with a little of everything. Though the nucleus of the members come from Westmount, there are swimmers who reside in Montreal West, Outremont, Downtown and Hampstead.

“The typical member is an average swimmer,” says longtime team treasurer Robert Bishin, “Everyone can come in and swim at their own level.”

However, as a result of the high level facilities and training offered, the team does attract some rather elite members. A great example is Ian Smith, who is one of the top ranked swimmers in the world in his age category. He also swam against visiting
Australian and Japanese National teams as a teenager for his native South Africa.

Currently, the oldest member of the team is Syd Kastner, who, in his early seventies, has been swimming competitively for close to six decades. But don’t mess with Syd; he’s still at the top of his game.

The team is also home to a significant number of triathletes, including a few who have done well in the Hawaiian Ironman.

Marianopolis

Marianopolis is a private CEGEP in Montreal, known as much for its high academic standing as for it’s beautiful sports complex. It has a state-of-the-art pool that is heated and long enough to use to train for Olympic-level events. However, this spring, the college is moving from its present location to the old Convent building on Westmount Avenue. “It’s a great pool,” says Ian Smith. “Unlike other facilities, we’re really not crowded. And we have parking!”

Like Dawson College before it, the new Marianopolis College is putting in an underground, multi-level gymnasium. While it’s a big expenditure, a gym is a very used facility, whereas a swimming pool is not. It’s expensive to build and to maintain, and not that many people use it. So, for the time being, the college has no plans to include one in their new sports complex.

Why Is the Swim Team So Special?

The swim team’s members have a choice of several weekly practices, led by Rob Côté, who has been the primary coach of the Marianopolis Master’s swim team for nearly twenty years. Trained in sports physiology at McGill University, he is also a personal sports trainer at Première Studio in lower Westmount.

The practices at 7:00 a.m. on Tuesday and Friday cater to the early risers on the team, while the Wednesday 7:30 p.m. practice is popular with night owls. Sunday morning at 10:30 a.m. is the busiest practice, with the team taking over the entire pool. This variety allows members to pick and choose when they’ll attend, based on their schedules. Some members come to only one practice, some to all four.

Without a suitable replacement available at press time, the members from Westmount and the surrounding municipalities are worried about losing more than just their workouts. The displacement is partially social as well.

The members have bonded over their common love of athletics – enjoying locker room talk, traveling to sporting events, sharing meals, parties and friendships for twenty five years. The annual Master’s Swim Team Christmas party is hosted yearly in a different member’s home. “It’s a combination of a very good pool and a good group,” muses Smith. “The people are really great!”

Typically, after the morning practices, the swimmers shower and head off to one of several different breakfast destinations, depending on where they’re headed.

The team holds an annual Good Friday brunch, where all the members can sit around the breakfast table and chat without having to rush off to work. This year, they did not take their breakfast for granted, and much of the talk surrounded the displacement and possible solutions to the team’s impending homelessness.

The present Marianopolis will likely be turned into condominiums, but no one knows if the sports complex is going to be ripped down, sold privately or re-done. The latest rumor in the locker rooms is that a local entrepreneur may consider taking over the sports complex to run it as a private enterprise, renting it out to schools in the area and other parties, such as the Master’s swim team. However, at this point, that’s just a fish-tale. As of press time, a new location had still not been found.

“If those store owners had any feelings, they would supply us with Kleenex”, she sighed. “Kleenex!?” Her friend Maggie grunted, “They should offer us grief counselors!”

Okay, so I’m exaggerating a bit. But the truth is, no one – least of all you – is wowed by your un-suntanned and un-waxed body, as you squeeze yourself into the size you hope to be by summer. Even if you can tuck your underwear into the bathing suit without creating too much of a bulge, the fleece socks you’re still wearing are guaranteed to make sure you look ridiculous. Also, you’re a bit faint from sucking in your stomach since the purchasing usually takes place in the grey months before summer, when you are still carrying some winter weight.

Men, there is nothing you can say to your women. My sister’s sweet boyfriend made the mistake of telling her she was beautiful when she emerged sniffling from a changing room at a women’s designer clothing store. She replied by removing a flip-flop from a nearby sales rack and throwing it at his head.

Certainly, shopping for bathing suits can be traumatic at any age. When shopping for bathing suits, the key is to buy the look that suits your body. Trends are great, but you can look beautiful, current and be comfortable at the same time. It is possible!

Here are some helpful hints:

If you have a small chest, try a top with a little push-in built in (just like a bra). String bikini tops are great, as the tiny straps give the illusion of a larger bust. Small patterns also work well.

If you’re short, try wearing high cut bottoms. This gives the illusion of a longer leg.

If you want to hide a bit more skin, try out a tankini. It’s a bikini, but the top looks more like a tank top. A black tankini can hide unwanted excess skin around the tummy.
There is also nothing wrong with a one piece bathing suit. One pieces can offer some more tummy coverage while giving the woman over fifty some classy sexiness.

If you’ve got larger hips, you can try a swim skirt bikini, which gives some extra coverage on the bottom.

If you still want a bit more coverage, try wearing a sarong, or board shorts. Both are light options, and they dry easily if you get them wet.

Remember, the most important part of looking good in a bathing suit is feeling comfortable!

*The Pain of Shopping for Bathing Suits was first published in Westmount Living Magazine, June 2007.

Alright, so it’s that time of year again. That time when we dedicate a minimum of four (maximum undetermined) hours in front of the television watching the Oscars. It’s an interesting phenomenon given that most of us start watching and are almost immediately reminded that we don’t- in fact- LIKE the telecast.

Anyway, like the super bowl, it’s an excuse to have a party. Like many of you, I spent Sunday night surrounded by friends, drinking beer, and heckling the Oscars…..

The human body seems to have a short term memory when it comes to excessive boredom, because we keep going back year after year, all the while, trying to convince ourselves that we once liked this show – it must just be this particular telecast that was lacking-right? Have you ever noticed how much time we spend during the telecast making excuses for it?

“I think it was shorter last year. More to the point.”

“The death montage wasn’t all that dramatic. Maybe there will be better industry deaths next year.”

And so on….

Hits & Misses:

Hits…..

Ellen Degeneres was great, plain and simple. My only complaint is that there was very little of her.

Jerry Seinfeld gave an amusing Oscar based bit before presenting an award. While it was funny, I couldn’t help noticing that his brief routine seemed to give him more monologue air time than Degeneres!

Helen Mirren wining best actress and Forest Whitaker winning best Actor- Speaking of people who deserve wins!- based not only on their recent turns but their bodies of work. Check out Mirren in the Prime Suspect Series, and look back at Whitaker’s turn as Charles Jefferson, in the comedy classic Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

Alan Arkin. Gracious, sweet, and deserving any way you look at it. Not only was he great in Little Miss Sunshine, he gave one of those acceptance speeches that made the toughest guy in the room say: “Aw, nice.”

Melissa Etheridge and Al Gore winning for An Inconvenient Truth. Also, Al Gore ending his presentation speech by saying: “My Fellow Americans, let me take this opportunity to officially announce-“before being cut off by the Orchestra, and smiling broadly.

Martin Scorsese finally won for best director. There’s a reason they leave this award for second to last. There are a lot of fantastic directors in Hollywood, and Scorsese has been up to bat more than his share to continually strike out. It was heartwarming to see a man with such a body of work win, and the roaring standing ovation from the crowd echoed these sentiments.

Misses……

While Degeneres was amusing and engaging as host, there wasn’t nearly enough of her. Perhaps scared off by unsuccessful past hosting gigs, the producers packed the show so full of ridiculous pre-filmed montages and live dance interpretations that there was little time for the hostess to do her job.

The Dance sequences… um… right… Although it was a cool concept, including interpretive dance sequences to introduce every movie was just extraneous, and annoying by the end of a four hour telecast. Ditto on the new concept that technical directions be read aloud from every nominated script. “Wow, you mean Clive Owen was actually directed to drink coffee in that scene? Like, he didn’t just improvise that? Wow!” People, he’s an ACTOR. And there’s a reason there isn’t an accompanying “stage direction” overdub to every new movie in the theater: Because it’s boring! Even the actors in the audience seemed bored to tears.

Not sure how I feel about Jennifer Hudson. Okay, clearly the girl can sing. And she really did do a great job in Dreamgirls. But one has to ask if it’s really appropriate to reward someone for their first ever acting performance. I mean, can this girl really act or did she just pull off a great musical role because she’s an emotional singer? You may say it’s about each individual performance, and certainly more odd recipients have snagged the award (i.e.: a beret clad Anna Paquin, for her first real role in the Piano.) Though it still seems odd to reward someone who’s only got one real performance under their belt. Certainly, nominate her. But a win against an established supporting actress like Cate Blanchette? I’m not sure… And, all she’s ever wanted to do was SING… Um, great. Nice and all, but did anyone else think she sounded like she thought she was winning a Grammy?

Could there have been more cinematic montages? By the third one, my Oscar party group couldn’t even figure out what the theme of the montage was. It was the type of programming you’d expect had this been an Oscar anniversary show. Since it wasn’t, the montages felt like time fillers, or perhaps a tactic, used by producers to allow them to pre-edit as much as the live telecast as possible. Though they were well edited, they were also boring, too long, and begs the question: If the telecast is getting so hard to manage that you’re resorting to this type of montage time-killer, maybe the show should be time delayed in the first place!

Clint Eastwood reading English translation off a teleprompter in order to translate an Italian acceptance speech. It was just bizarre. If someone’s already typing up a translation, just give the man a subtitle line. Or, here’s an idea- it’s an American awards show, pick someone who speaks English??!

Telecast Sightings:

Alright, so there were a huge amount of seemingly random presenters and guests. Here’s one: John Travolta presenting with Queen Latifah. Neither one is nominated, neither one won last year, and their presentation seemed to have little to do with the Oscars and more to do with them plugging an upcoming film. But here’s the kicker – the film is still untitled, and Queen says they can’t talk about it- So, get off the stage!

I’ve pretty much had it with the Beyonce music medleys at the Award shows. The girl can sing, we all get it. But again, this isn’t the Grammy’s. Having Jennifer Hudson back Beyonce in a rousing round does not qualify as a best supporting actress performance. And Celine Dion? While she certainly looked better than she has in years – the dress was beautiful on her, and she managed to get through an entire song without punching herself in the chest- I just can’t say I think it was necessary. And why oh why was J-Lo presenting? Why was she even allowed in the building? She’s a singer, who’s most recent dramatic turn was in the unfortunate Gigli.

Various members of the audience looking visibly bored, and a lengthy shot of Quincy Jones -with so many of his clients performing, he probably thought he was at the Grammy’s- and the poor man looked like he was going to pass out from bored exhausting fall off the balcony where he was sitting…

I’m glad he was nominated, but Peter O’Toole is looking more like a fossil than a man these days. He looks like the male incarnation of Helen Gurley Brown.

Jack Nicholson’s always front and center at these Telecasts. This year, he was sporting a shaved head, but was sure not to forget his signature – and ridiculous- sunglasses: Jack, you’re indoors… And it’s NIGHT!

Final Analysis:

Sure, seeing all our favorite stars all dressed up is fun, and there are always a few memorable moments… But if you want feel “with it” by the water cooler post-Oscar telecast, I’d suggest scrapping the telecast and spending 4 minutes on the internet before work getting a wrap up….

Seinfeld’s Seventh Season was released on DVD November 21, 2006. This season may very well contain the best compilation of Seinfeld episodes. Having found their beat, but not having run out of ideas, this marks a high point in the life of a series which set the bar meteorically high.Season 7 consists of 24 original episodes, all re-mastered with high definition sound and picture quality, and an additional 13 hours of bonus material and features. Originally filmed in 1995, the English DVD is available with Spanish, English, French and Portuguese subtitles. Many of the episodes were directed by Andy Ackerman, who went on to direct Everybody Loves Raymond and Larry David’s Curb Your Enthusiasm.

When Jerry Seinfeld won the Emmy for best Actor in a Television series, he famously accepted his award by acknowledging that he wasn’t the best actor, and that his success was based on the power of the ensemble cast which supported him. This is evident throughout the season, and Seinfeld can be seen in nearly every episode with that unmistakable smirk on his lips. It seems even the show’s namesake can’t help giggling at the absurdity that transpires around him. Jason Alexander is neurotic as ever as George, who spends the season under the thumb of his fiancée Susan, played by Heidi Swedburg. Michael Richards’ Kramer puts a hot tub in his living room, and spends a good part of the season suing people with the help of his attorney Jackie Childs (Phil Morris), a character based on OJ Simpson attorney Johnnie Cochran. And in what is possibly her most hilarious turn, this season finds Elaine determining which of her potential suitors are Sponge-worthy after her chosen birth control method is taken off the market.

Though the show revolves around the four main characters, weekly guest stars and a slew of recurring characters make up the Seinfeld landscape. Veteran character actors Jerry Stiller and Estelle Harris have recurring rolls as George’s parents, while Liz Sheridan and Barney Martin play Jerry’s. Series co-creator Larry David takes on a variety of supporting roles- though, in old Hitchcock fashion, he is almost always hidden, as is the case with his recurring portrayal of George Steinbrenner, who was always filmed from the back. This season prominently features Wayne Knight as Jerry’s neighbor and nemesis, postman Newman, who is at his best in “The Bottle Deposit.” There is Elaine’s boss J. Peterman, played to perfection by John O’Hurley, her on-again-off-again lover, David Puddy (Family Guy’s Patrick Warburton) and her old Friend Sue Ellen (Brenda Strong, now the narrator on Desperate Housewives) who is the braless wonder. There are several celebrity cameos, including a short, stalky bald-man loving Marissa Tomei, Debra Messing and Cary Elwes as a couple who’s relationship Jerry and Elaine are waiting out. However, probably the most memorable Seinfeld guest star of all time, Larry Thomas as The Soup Nazi, still has fans yelling “No Soup for you!” over a decade later.

Not ones to be left out of the political arena, Seinfeld and David use every chance they have to send up news making events in the show. When Kramer takes Sue Ellen- the braless wonder, and heiress to the O’Henry fortune- to court, she is acquitted when “the bra doesn’t fit and you must acquit” in a hilarious send up of the OJ Simpson case. When Jerry surprises his father with a Cadillac, a political spoof ensues, with the elder Seinfeld facing impeachment at his Florida condo when he’s accused of embezzling condo funds to buy the car.

This is the season which marked the departure of series co-creator Larry David, now famously known for his own show Curb Your Enthusiasm. David, a longtime Seinfeld friend, developed the series and acted as a driving force, most notably, inspiring the character of George, who is loosely based on himself. The Season 7 DVD includes a segment called “Larry David’s Farewell” which pays homage to his ongoing contributions to Seinfeld.

Though the episodes are not laid out like a soap opera and can certainly be viewed out of sequence, there are certain recurring themes and inside jokes which are reserved for the fan who does watch a season in its entirety. Perhaps this season’s underlying theme is the four main characters’ attempts to grow up- with hilariously disastrous results. The season is framed around the most catastrophic of these “adult attempts” – with the first episode of season 7 seeing George propose to Susan, and the season culminating with her death. For several episodes leading up to the season finale, George was lamenting about his relationship, that it was “killing independent George.” When Susan’s character expires – the victim of licking too many cheap wedding envelopes – Elaine’s reaction: “Sorry- I guess” mimics the reaction of any fan who had watched George over the course of the season. Over the years, viewers have complained that her death seemed anti-climactic, and yet, it was set perfectly within the tone of the show. To the fan who watches George suffer throughout the season, there is no more perfect ending than watching the characters stroll out of the hospital to get coffee, equilibrium restored in time for season 8.

The Seinfeld Season 7 DVD is a must see. If you’ve never seen Seinfeld, this is a great place to start: It’s the series at its best. If you’re already a fan, sit back and enjoy: This DVD is jam-packed with classic moments and punch lines that guarantee you won’t want to “yada yada yada” through the best parts. It is absolutely Sponge-worthy.