After three years together, and a year and a half of co-habitation, my significant other and I split up. Consequently, I’ve taken some time to heal, away from the internet, this blog, and most significantly, the glaring eyes of the Facebook comminuty.
This was my first breakup in a Facebook era, and I didn’t realize the whole new level it brought to navigating post-relationship etiquette…. and trauma!
What do you do with all the albums?
Anyone on facebook has at least one obnoxious album of them being lovey-dovey with their significant other. Maybe it was that trip you took together last year. Or that wedding, or whatever. After the breakup, it suddenly goes from adorable, to abhorable.
Do you just delete them all, as my friend did when he and his girlfriend split last month? Within a week, every trace of their existence together had vanished from his profile.
A girlfriend of mine chose to leave all the photos of her ex, but un-tagged herself. “So that if guys are interested and check out my pictures, they don’t come across me nuzzling with my ex.”
My feeling is that everyone has exes, and while I admit I did de-tag some of the more lovey shots, I think that was more for myself than for any future potential suitor. After all, at 29, everyone has exes, and anyone new in my life needs to acknowledge that I’ve not spent the last decade in a convent.
“In” a relationship
When we got together, and he asked me to “be in a relationship” on facebook, I thought it was cute. Three years later, I’m linked to this man, and de-tagging him as my significant other is broadcast across the network. C’mon Facebook, where’s the sympathy for the recently broken-up! What do you do in this sittuation?
Do you slash your status and just mark yourself as single (which is reported, via news feed, to everyone on your list, complete with a broken heart and the phrase “Lesley is no longer in a relationship” – seriously, could they be more dramatic?) or just remove your relationship status altogether? I opted for the latter. I still got an onslought of emails asking what happened.
The first outing
Getting single on Facebook is like that first real outing – It’s like going out with friends for the first time since a major split, as I did last week. My first outing was to a birthday with friends. 23 people asked some variation on the question “Hey, where’s your man?” TWENTY-THREE in one night!!!
While I cringed the first few times, by the end of the night I was totally desensitized, and was even able to joke “No worries, you’re the (insert #) person to ask that in the past hour!” The truth is, it wasn’t that traumatic at all – it was downright liberating!!!
Just do it!
Getting single on Facebook is like that first night out – it’s best to just get it out in the open – and get it over with. That way, you can move on.
I guess this is my last place to “out myself” – I’m single world!
Hey, that wasn’t so bad, was it?
Signing off,
Liberated Lesley 
this is great!
couldnt be more true- very complicated era we live in
my advice: never put pics up/status up in the first place
Even breaking up in the online world has to be so complicated :/
It’s like being a celebrity of sorts… o_O
I read a few topics. I respect your work and added blog to favorites.
Great post Leslie, a good read. Many of my friends have experienced the same business with ending a relationship and getting bombarded on facebook. This is a good read for anyone who has had their dose of ‘general hospital’ on facebook.
The trick when changing Relationship status is first to go to Privacy Settings, then News Feed and Wall, then uncheck the Change Relationship Status box.
So true! I once removed my status (even when I was still in a relationship) I was actually fearful we were going to break up soon, and it actually broadcasted to everyone that I was no longer in a relationship (sounds like it did the same thing to you!) Your article is so relateable! Thanks for sharing! xoxo